DARNA 2022 and the Futility of Reviewing a Teleserye

 Here’s what I think about the new Darna TV series.

  

For her brief time in the role, Iza Calzado (as the "original" Darna) was the best Darna we never had.  As for the show’s actual star, newcome Jane De Leon is a fairly good actress and is very impressive in her action scenes—as Narda.   

 

 

Her Darna on the other hand is a bit rough and unsure of herself, but she’s supposed to be.  At this point in the story, she’s portrayed as the newbie superhero still feeling her way through things, so I reckon she’ll grow into the role as the series progresses.

They just really can't help but do the damn bracelet thing.

One problem, though, is that except for the scene above, the rest of Darna's action scenes end way too quickly.  Most of the time, when dealing with ordinary criminals and emergencies, she just whizzes by at super speed to mop everything up.  And when she deals with other super-powered beings--well, we'll get to that later.

 

 

They made some drastic changes to Darna’s origin, but I didn’t think it was a dealbreaker.  They didn’t so much change the story as remixed it, with some callbacks to the Mars Ravelo original, plus elements from later stories by other writers.

I liked the character of Mang Rolando, the kakanin vendor who turns out to be something of a scientist himself.  I though it was an interesting twist on the “mysterious old man” archetype.

 

We haven’t seen much of Janella Salvador’s Valentina, just one full episode and some brief flashes here and there.  But the show chooses to plays up the mystery, portraying her less as a sensuous serpentine supervillainess and more of a scary slithering nightmare.

  

For the most part, Salvador portrays Regina, a passionate crusading lawyer who is tortured by her snake-haired alter ego.  At this point she is Narda’s best friend, so we have yet to see the normally sweet-natured actress make a full villainous turn.

With the exception of Valentina, the series ignores most of the traditional Darna villains in favor of newly-created foes, which keeps things fresh, I guess.  At the moment, the actual big bad is General Borgo, an evil alien from the planet Marte who is manipulating things from the sidelines.  I like that his helmet resembles Darna's headgear, both being from the same world and all.  Otherwise, his overall design is pretty boring.  And then there's his female assistant, who starts out scantily-clad, then gradually acquires more clothing with each appearance.

 

Probably the most annoying antagonist in the show is the corrupt mayor.  If there's one thing I hate, it's a smug, sleazy, sneering villain, and in that regard the actor playing the character does a good job in making him as unlikable as possible.  He's so sincere about how bad he is and so insincere about everything else that you just want to punch him, and the dude does have a very punchable presence.

The main threat of the show are the so-called "Extras," humans who gained extraordinary (get it?) powers after being exposed to irradiated fragments from an alien cyborg (why did everyone immediately assume it was a cyborg rather than just an alien or a robot?  Are cyborgs so common that they know exactly what one looks like?).  Of the three Extras (not counting Valentina) that have appeared on the show, only two of them were actually evil, the first of which Narda encountered before she got her powers.  The third one, the Killer Ghost, is the first actual villainous Extra that Darna faces in her official capacity as a superheroine.

And that's when it got stupid.

#DarnaVsGhost - The most accurate episode title ever.

 

This broke me so bad that it killed any interest I had in the show, as well as my motivation in even continuing this review that I'm questioning why I even keep doing this.

I mean, it’s hard to review an ongoing local television series.  You can’t really judge them fairly from just the first episode.  With their soap opera format, you really have to watch several weeks’ worth of episodes in order to get a proper consensus.  Like, you may be singing its praises at first, but then you get to week 5 and you see that one episode that just changes your entire opinion on it.  It puts into perspective all of the episodes you’ve previously seen and you start to ask yourself: This is the show we’ve been waiting all these years for?

And you can rant and rave about how dumb it all is and voice out the same old complaints, but no one really listens.  The same mistakes keep getting made time and again.  Nothing ever changes.  Then someone will get on your case because how dare you criticize the thing that they like?

If you don't see what the problem is, I don't know what to tell you that hasn't already been said over and over again.  Heck, you may like it for the exact same reason that I don’t.  Why bother?

So, I'll just say this; if you happen to like the show, cool.  Just watch it because you actually like it.  Not because everybody else is, not because it’s trending, not out of blind devotion to whatever network is producing it.  Watch it either because you genuinely find something of value in it or simply because it entertains you on some level.  Even if you like it for some inexplicable, undefinable reason, that’s all right, too.  As long as you continue to find it enjoyable, then by all means, support it.

But if you start to notice the cracks, don’t watch in denial.  Recognize the flaws for what they are, and if you find that you’re not enjoying yourself anymore, you can either keep watching to see if it’ll get any better or decide not to waste any more time with it.

It’s up to you.

KAMANDAG: Blood is Thicker than Venom

Art by Gilbert Monsanto

Most people know Kamandag ("Venom") from the 2007-08 GMA television series, but the character actually began life as a 1980's People's Journal comic strip by writer Carlo J. Caparas and artist Karl Comendador.  In fact, this incarnation was quite different from the TV hero that most are familiar with.  In the original strip, he was pretty much a villain; a hideous scaly-skinnned snake-man and a sex maniac.  His greatest weakness: herpes.  I'm not kidding.

HERPES??!!!  AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

When the GMA Network adapted Kamandag into a TV series, the character was completely reinvented from amoral anti-hero to full-fledeged superhero.  In the show, he was the half-human son of Saban (Gardo Versoza), the snake-king of Ambograw, an underground civilization of animal people known as the Ambog.  After falling in love with a human female, Alicia (Eula Valdez), Saban moves to abolish the kingdom's practice of human slavery, a decision opposed by most of the Ambog tribes.  When Saban is assassinated by the wolf-king Gulag (Zoren Legaspi) and the cat-queen Kuran (Francine Prieto), his infant son is sent to the human world, entrusted into the care of a kindly ranch-hand Domeng (Emilio Garcia) and his family.  Named Vergel, the boy eventually discovers that he can transform into a snake-like creature when angered.  On top of his scaly complexion, he also has enhanced strength and agility, and fangs full of deadly venom.

 As a young man (now played by Richard Gutierrez), Vergel learns about his true origins from the bull-king Budol (Johnny Delgado), a loyal friend of his real father.  He is then given a mystical bracelet, which activates a scaly suit of armor that once belonged to his father.  He decides to use his abilities and new-found armor to fight evil and protect the oppressed under the alias Kamandag.

Gotta admit, that's one cool-looking outfit, although the pants are a bit odd.  Anyway, he eventually loses the jeans, trading it in for a long hooded vest, and he acquires a pair of magic daggers as well.  Towards the end of the series, his suit gets upgraded to a more intimidating design.

TALIM

Even though the series turned Kamandag into an outright good guy, it still did present an evil Kamandag of sorts in the form of Talim ("Blade"), played by Mark Anthony Fernandez.  Childhood friend and cousin to Vergel, young Lucero was bitten by the golden snake that served as Vergel's guardian.  Brought to the hospital for treatment, the anti-venom injected into him had a strange reaction to the mystical snake venom, causing him to periodically transform into a snake-like being with an insatiable bloodlust.  Under the manipulations of his corrupt father, Abdon (Ariel Rivera), Lucero grows up to use his mutant abilities as the ruthless hitman Talim.  Loyal friend to Vergel and arch-nemesis to his alter-ego, the two would also find themselves rivals for the affections of token love interest Jenny (Jewel Mische).



DITAS

Played by Ehra Madrigal, Ditas is Domeng's daughter and Vergel's foster sister.  As children, Vergel and Ditas tried to emulate a blood compact while playing, inadvertently passing on the venom in Vergel's blood to Ditas.  Whereas Kamandag is good and Talim is evil, Ditas is somewhere in the middle.  Initially resenting Kamandag for causing her condition, she eventually joins over to his side.

Incidentally, there actually was a female Kamandag in the original comics; his daughter Kamandra, who took over the strip for a time when her dad went MIA.  Died of herpes, the poor girl.

Anyway, in closing, here's a clip of the "Kamandag Family" in action.

5 Rounds with TOTOY BATO

On our 100th post, and anticipating the 8th death anniversary of Fernando Poe, Jr., here's a blow-by-blow account of another one of his famous larger-than-life characters...

ROUND ONE

Totoy Bato (which can literally be translated as either "Kid Rock" or (according to Google Translate) "Sonny Stone") first fought his way into the pages of Modern Romances & True Confessions Magazine (published by Adventures Illustrated Magazines, Inc.) in the late-1970's.  A creation of prolific komiks writer Carlo J. Caparas, Totoy was a tough bare-knuckle fighter who eventually goes on to become a champion boxer.  Later adapted into a 1977 film starring no less than legendary Pinoy Action King Fernando Poe, Jr., the character would become one of FPJ's signature roles next to Ang Panday.

 

ROUND TWO

A sequel series, Durugin si Totoy Bato ("Crush Totoy Bato") ran in Modern Romances from 1979 to 1980, written by Caparas and illustrated by Ading G. Gonzales.  It was also made into a film in 1979.

 

Click here to read a chapter from this serial.

ROUND THREE

Another serial, Lumaban Ka... Totoy Bato ("Fight... Totoy Bato"), illustrated by Mar T. Santana, appeared in Aguila Qualikomiks (published by Graphic Arts Service, Inc.) in 1986.

 

ROUND FOUR

Totoy returned for one more match in Hinahamon Kita... Totoy Bato ("I Challenge You... Totoy Bato"). Again by Caparas and Santana, the serial ran in Thunder Illustrated Magasin (published by Counterpoint Komiks & Magazine, Inc.) from 1987 to 1988.

 
ROUND FIVE

When Caparas launched his short-lived komiks line with Sterling Publishing in 2007, he teamed-up with artist Nestor "Thor"  Infante to revive the character in Lumaban Ka, Totoy Bato? (Apparently, there's a question mark at the end of the title, which would awkwardly translate it as "You Fought, Totoy Bato?")  Appearing in Gwapo Komiks, the new series brought Totoy back to his street-fighting roots.

It should be noted that this incarnation of Totoy was drawn to resemble actor Robin Padilla.  Sure enough, the so-called Bad Boy of Philippine Movies would indeed get cast in the GMA Network's 2009 Totoy Bato television series.

Also starring singer-actress Regine Velasquez, with appearances by boxing champ Manny Pacquiao, Padilla portrayed the title role of Totoy Bato, the sword-wielding, demon-slaying gladiator who...

Wait, WHAT?!!

That's right.  At some point in the show, Totoy went from knocking out opponents in the ring to battling the Anti-Christ.

Forget rolling in his grave, FPJ should bust out of the Afterlife and deliver his patented machine-gun punches to everyone who was involved in this dreck.

The TV series was actually released on DVD some time ago, so you could check those out if you're curious enough to witness the sordid details for yourself.  If you don't think it's worth your money (and it most probably isn't), you can find episodes online if you look hard enough.  And if you want to see Robin Padilla in an actual boxing role, you're better off watching his 2001 movie Buhay Kamao.  It's got a cool theme song, too.

ELIAS PANIKI - The Men Behind the Bat

Image from Video 48

Ang Mahiwagang Daigdig ni Elias Paniki ("The Mystical World of Elias Bat") was a 1989 movie directed by komiks writer-turned film director Carlo J. Caparas.  It starred veteran actor-senator Ramon Revilla, who carved his career portraying characters who possessed magical amulets or agimat.  In this film, he played the title role of Elias, a vampire slayer who derived his power from the petrified bat attached to his headband.

 KNIGHT OF BAT-ASSERY

Now, we've bashed CJC here a few times, and certainly this film won't go down as a great masterpiece in the history of Philippine Cinema.  But still, it did have at least one moment of badassery.  I mean, what other vampire slayer actually waits for his prey inside its own coffin?

NEW BAT-TIME, NEW BAT-CHANNEL

In 2009, the ABS-CBN Network launched Agimat: Ang Mga Alamat ni Ramon Revilla ("Amulet: The Legends of Ramon Revilla"), which adapted a number of classic Revilla films for television.  One of these was a re-imagining of Elias Paniki.

The series starred Jake Cuenca in a dual role as Elias (a witch-hunting albularyo in this version) and his own evil warlock father, Armando.  It ran for 13 episodes from May 29 to August 21, 2010.

GAGAMBINO

Gagambino first appeared in the first issue of OFW Super-Stories (September 14, 2007), one of Carlo J. Caparas' short-lived line of komiks magazines published by Sterling Publishing.  As written by Caparas and illustrated by Karl Comendador, Bino was a hard-working, mild-mannered janitor who just happened to keep a giant carnivorous spider for a pet.

WEB COMICS

The comic version of Bino did not possess any special abilities.  He was just an average joe who relied on his pet to bail him out of trouble.

WEB TV

In 2008, Gagambino was adapted into a television series which aired weeknights on the GMA Network, premiering on October 20th of that year.


The premise of the show, as near as I can remember it, is as follows: ages ago, a radioactive meteor crashed to Earth, causing several insects in the vicinity to grow to gigantic size.  A blacksmith then took what's left of the meteor and forges it into a sword-- whoops, sorry, wrong story.  No, the meteor was forged into a spider-shaped medallion which gave its wearer mystical powers, as well as control over the giant insects.  Using the medallion, the giant insects were banished into an underground cavern, which in time became overrun with other giant mutated creatures and plant life.

The medallion was then handed down through generations.  However, the one next-in-line to be the medallion's keeper, a woman named Abresia, had turned to the dark side and sought to use its power for evil.  Meanwhile, a group of children had stumbled onto the strange underground realm, encountering the giant insects and gaining their powers in the process.  One of them, a boy named Bino, also earned the friendship of a friendly giant spider, nicknamed "Gamby."  Years later, Bino and his childhood friends must reunite and form the Liga Insekta ("League of Insects") to do battle with the malevolent villainess.

 Unlike in the comics, the TV version of Gagambino is depicted as more of a traditional costumed superhero.  Also, Gamby the Spider is a kinder, gentler giant in comparison to his more vicious comic counterpart.  To illustrate this, his eight eyes are even arranged to form a smiley face!

WEB CAST

GAGAMBINO

  Actor Dennis Trillo plays Bino Bayani alias Gagambino.  While he does not spin webs or stick to walls like an actual spider, he does possess the proportional strength and agility of one.  He can leap great heights and has an advanced healing ability.  He can also grow sharp spines on his forearms.  As a child, he exhibited the ability to grow fangs, but he hardly used this power as an adult.  He is also skilled in the martial arts.

He's also a bit of a jerk.  For one thing, he doesn't seem too motivated in being a superhero (as if your parents' murder isn't motivation enough).  Also, he cheats on his girlfriend, which causes her to go nuts and turn evil.  More on her later.

 

LADY MANTISA

Actress Katrina Halili usually gets typecast in bad girl roles, but she gets to play the heroine for once as sexy starlet (call her a bold star and she'll kill you) Lucy Gutierrez, also known as Lady Mantisa.  In fact, she ends up being the most heroic character on the show.  As Lady Mantisa, she can transform her hands into razor-sharp mantis claws.

 ALAKDANESSA

Isabel Oli plays Bernadette Albuento, codenamed Alakdanessa.  She has a venomous thrashing scorpion tail hidden in her hair.

SUPER BEE

Glaiza de Castro is Leah Albuento a.k.a. Super Bee (Really, these codenames aren't the best, but I guess they must be running out of ideas at this point).  She sprouts large bee wings on her back which enable her to fly.

ZANDRO

The guardian of the spider-medallion.  Portrayed by Leo Martinez.














DR. HYDE

Played by Emilio Garcia, a disfigured scientist who creates the Liga's costumes and gadgets.  Love that rocking helmet.  They later gave him a new one that exposed half his face, but it didn't look as cool as the original.

ABRESIA

Scary is the new sexy?

Jean Garcia is Divina/Abresia, the show's main antagonist.  Well, for the first half of the series anyway.  She had the power to control swarms of locusts whose bite could turn people into zombies.  She could also fire bolts of energy and, using the spider-medallion, could even resurrect people from the dead.  Then she lost her powers, turned good, got married and lived happily ever after.  Which kinda sucks because it was basically her fault that the other villains turned bad. Yet she gets to have a happy ending?

HAROLD

Polo Ravales is Harold Santiago or-- just plain Harold.  He has super strength, invulnerability, and huge beetle wings which give him the ability to fly.  One of Bino's childhood friends, he decides to be a bad guy instead.  Probably upset that everyone has a cool codename while he's stuck with "Harold."  And that goofy headgear.






CELINE

Gotta feel sorry for this girl.  Played by Nadine Samonte, Celine Lopez was supposed to be the show's love interest.  Then she found out her mother was secretly the evil insect queen Abresia.  Later, she found out she wasn't her real daughter after all, causing her mom to flat out abandon her (and this was after she turned good!).  And on top of that, her boyfriend, the big-shot superhero star of the show, was cheating on her!  Can you blame her for going insane and turning into a supervillainess? 

PETER

Who the heck is Peter?  A very minor character, really, just some news photographer guy who shows up every once in a while.  Just felt like mentioning him since he's such an obvious nod to a certain other photographer dude with an affinity for arachnids.


One last thing I'd like to point out just because, this show also appeared to be a strong supporter of cremation.  Every time a character died, they would burn the body in the backyard.

To close this overview, here are two more Gagambino clips, though they're not actually from the show itself.  They appear to be fight scene test-footage performed by Dennis Trillo himself.